Sonntag, Oktober 31, 2004

Projects of a (Blitheringly) Academic Nature

But First...

The following things in my neighborhood are wonderful:
  • The Tooth Factory: I discovered this building on Friday afternoon, while walking home from classes. Considering that I have been living in this neighborhood for two months, I really have no excuse for being ignorant of this particular business.(1) The cool fall air was punctuated by the roar of buses, padding of pedestrians, and grinding whiiiiiir of technicians forming fake teeth in fake palates. It might be impossible to convey in words just how giddy I feel knowing that people are manufacturing dentures within spitting distance of my apartment, but for the visual component, just think of me sporting a big, goofy grin and fidgeting uncontrollably with childish excitement.

  • Fall Leaves in the Hain: I went up to the gorgeous little town of Coburg in early October, and the thing that most impressed me was the overwhelming Fall foliage. Bamberg is more than 1000 years young, which means that most of the trees in the town center were cleared out about 1000 years ago. Coburg, on the other hand, is still a young city -- young enough for the German Romantic movement, and an early environmental mentality (2), to have preserved large trees throughout the city. This means that Coburg is, relatively speaking, thickly forested. Three weeks ago, the leaves were already fantastic. Ten days ago, the leaves in the Hain picked up the pace. Now they, too, are decked in the fantastic yellows, reds, and oranges of Fall. The spectacular sight of a yellow tunnel of leaves slowly decaying, one falling shingle at a time, is an inspiring sight on a warm Sunday afternoon.

  • NB3 is Closed: I had no idea that this building was anything other than a private residence. In fact, I only found out about it last night, when some locals pointed it out. Located just over the bridge (again, mere footsteps from my apartment) is a swingers' club, known locally as NB3(3). Among longer-term residents, this building is mildly (in)famous. Even better, last night there was a hand-written sign over the buzzer which proclaimed that "NB3 is closed due to illness and will remain closed indefinitely."(4)


Ladies and Gentlemen, please turn your attention to the Center Ring, where you will see several clowns pack themselves into a ridiculously small lion.

I want to engage in the following academic projects. Input, suggestions on background material, and co-authors/co-conspirators are welcome to contact me via email.

  • Markets: Anthropological dynamics of a modern "traditional" market in Europe, with possible emphases on:
    1. Transaction Dynamics (social/anthropological/economic)
    2. Linguistics: Code-switching (regional "dialects" -> national standard "dialect" -> foreign languages), transaction terminology and semantics
    3. Commodities: Point of origin, point of sale, transportation, price, (relative?/absolute?) consumption rates, other market dynamics


  • Economics: Socially-regulated market economics, emphasizing:
    1. Market economics in limited/regulated markets
    2. Social regulations and constraints on production and consumption (environmental/employment/human rights/etc.)
    3. Risk management in industry and nations (maximizing service returns in risk-based industries by averaging potential liabilities across mega-subscriptions)
    4. Socialization/regulation of human services to maximize service and reduce individual/catastrophic costs

Please email your input/help/offers of grant money.(4)



------------------------ End Notes --------------------------------
(1) Normally I come home from a different direction, but I had just taken the bus back from the Feki, and the convenient way home just happened to take me past the building, which would usually be on the other side of the street.
(2) This is the same early environmental consciousness that eventually lead to the establishment of Central Park. A generally upper-class (and more-than-a-little-condescending) opinion contended that exposure to nature helped ease the plight of the poor, who would be bettered (or at least pacified) by the "wholesome" and "nuturing" effects of trees, ponds, and big open meadows.
(3) Refers to the address. Not going to be more specific because:
  1. Although it seems to be something of an open local secret, I am still not going to betray this tacit (yet, admittedly, somewhat silly) trust, and
  2. I don't want You People prowling my neighborhood for sex clubs -- I have to live here, too.
(3) Rough translation from memory. I'll post the original at some time in the future, for comedy purposes. Email me if you simply must have an accurate original and/or translation.
(4) I haven't been getting feedback from this website. Does this mean that you, Gentle Reader, are not reading gently? Are You not writing, either gently or from deep, passionate wells of rage? Or are Your emails adrift somewhere cyberspace, unanswered?

Samstag, Oktober 23, 2004

The Cookbook of Confusion, The Cookbook of Schmeckens

Recipe for Confusion

1 Cathedral
1 Organ
1 Musician
4 Composers, in chronological order
350 German tourists

The main cathedral in Bamberg runs a Saturday concert series of organists from around Europe. Each week, they ship in a new organist from the Czech Republic, France, or Germany and put them to work cranking out the big, big sound of the großen Orgel. This week's offering was Birgitte Fruth, a church musician from Passau, who has been playing various organs around Germany since the early 1990s. Her concert was an interesting chronological tour of the last four centuries in popular church music, featuring Melchior Frank, Johann Sebastian Bach, César Frank, and the late Jean Langlais.

I was somewhat skeptical after the last organ concert I attended two weeks ago, in which I was forced to sit directly beneath the organ. This left me with the impression (which I presume to be false) that the organist was rather sloppy. The basso thundered too often, the treble trembled beneath it, and all that was left were the middle octaves, which do not carry much of the weight in organ music. The complex interplay of tumbling, high arpeggios and rumbling, earth-shaking, bouncy bass chords was lost.

In order to avoid a similarly disturbing organ trip (which I blame for my subsequent and sudden decision to leave town for a few days), I arrived early today and held down a seat directly across from the organ pipes. The organ itself is situated about two-thirds of the way up the main wall of the cathedral, almost exactly halfway along the length of the central aisle. Although I cannot comment on the acoustics of this decision, it seems that the location of the organ was at least as much a function of "Gee, where the hell are we going to put this thing?" engineering as anything else.

However, Fruth's playing was lively, light, and suprisingly jovial. Frank's Allemande und Galliarda was a poppy Renaissance throwback, complete with wonderful trilling chords and those characteristic, pseudo-Byzantine arpeggios. Bach's "Von Gott will ich nicht lassen" was a genuine toe-tapper, while his Praeludium und Fuge in C-Dur managed to range far and wide over the octaval possibilities of and organ. (What else would you expect from the guy who wrote Tocatta and Fuge?)

The real treat, however, was Frank's Prélude, Fuge et Variation in h-moll, an initially brooding piece that builds to a wonderful, bright conclusion. The Prelude was bright and crisp, but Fruth brought out some wonderfully shadowy tones, which carried her straight into the Fuge. Dragging some of those brooding, lingering low chords into the Variations, Fruth effectively bridged an otherwise radical shift in tone. I was delighted that she kept the volume of those chords low; where the bass had crashed a few weeks earlier, it now gently murmered discontent.

In the end, Fruth threw everything out the window and completely befuddled the crowd with 20th Century composer Jean Langlais's Incantation pour un jour Saint. The subtitle on the program mutters something about a "Meditation über das 'Lumen Christi' und gregorianische Themen der Osternacht," but "Gregorian" seems to be far from the composer's intention. In a concert of mostly cheerful, energetic pieces, Incantation was a violent, iconoclastic mangling of chords. It sounded as if someone had let Revueltas rewrite a John Williams piece, filling it with clashing, inharmonious rumblings which break away to desperately high peaks of trilling, flutey notes that are continually overrun by the disharmonious bass octaves. The final chord, which lasted a full ninety seconds and contained just the barest hint of a salvation in the form of barely audible trills in the upper registers (1), left the audience appreciably stunned. The caucaphony over, the crowd sat in stunned silence for several seconds, wondering whether there was something more uplifting, energetic, and positive to come. It was only Furth's appearence above the keyboard that brought together the hands of the assembled.

The applause was polite. For her part, Furth seemed pleased at the confusion.


Recipe for Chicken

Chicken Breasts smothered in mushrooms, onions, and bleu cheese, served with zucchini and rice (pilaf or risotto)

I made this up yesterday while out shopping.

Cook the chicken breasts with olive oil and chopped garlic. (Always chop the garlic! Do not get lazy and press it -- your taste buds will thank you, afterwards.) Use a medium heat, which helps keep the garlic from burning until the chicken is done.

While chicken is cooking through, chop onion(s), mushrooms, and zucchini. Separate the zucchini, as they have Marxist tendencies and will try to overthrow you and establish a Vegetable Brotherhood hegemony over your kitchen.

When the chicken has cooked all the way through, but is still tender, transfer it to a baking dish (which you might want to have greased). Generously dole out the bleu cheese over the chicken breasts. Get the oven fired up to about 150ºC (let's call it 325ºF).

Boil some water for the rice.

In the chicken pan, which should still have some browned chicken bits, garlic, and olive oil (if you have to, add a little more oil, but not too much!) toss the onions and mushrooms together. Do not leave them in for more than a couple of minutes; if you let them cook too long, they'll get all mushy in the oven. Once they have a bit of oil on them and the onion has just started to pale, transfer the whole mess (including garlic) to the baking dish, over the chicken, which should be politely wearing the bleu cheese.

Put the dish in the over for the next 15-25 minutes. Keep an eye on it!

By now, the rice should be going along nicely.

In the chicken pan, add a little more olive oil and sauté the zucchini, which by now probably has fairly low morale and is ready for consumption. Season to taste -- a little black pepper and salt goes a long way.

In the oven, you should be able to see the mushrooms and onions baking and the cheese melting. Real bleu cheese gets gooey at room temperature, so do not expect to see that nice, thick cordon bleu which you get at cheap restaurants. (They, and I will not name names, usually use a swiss and/or a cheddar or emmanthaler cheese to get that thick cheese-hat on your chicken.) Instead, real bleu cheese will get runny and start to simmer in the bottom of the baking dish.

When the chicken juices, olive oil, cheese, and vegetable drippings are mingling in a friendly fashion, take the chicken out of the oven. Now you can do one of two things:
1) Serve it up. Delicious!
OR
2) Take the chicken and vegetables out of the dish, put the rice into the drippings, and maybe mix in some parmeseano or feta cheese. Bake for 10-15 minutes, until you have a firm, yet pliable, risotto.

Serve the chicken, mushroom, and onion mixture over/alongside the rice/risotto and zucchini.

Additional suggestions:

Variation: Add some (not a lot!) of slightly watered-down cream of mushroom soup to the baking pan while cooking the chicken. (Careful -- this might overpower the vegetables.)

Seasoning: Flavor the chicken during initial whitening with dill and coriander, or maybe ginger and mustard for a more raucus flavor; alternatively, toss some rosemary and some quartered Yukon gold potatoes in with the chicken while baking.

Wine: I always prefer red, but any very dry wine would be acceptable.



(1) In fact, I am still wondering whether I heard those notes at all. I may have imagined them as a way of forcing a positive resolution on this otherwise overwhelmingly gloomy piece.

Freitag, Oktober 22, 2004

Pearl Harbor Sinks Amazon.com, Crowds Cheer

For no real reason, I was thinking about Pearl Harbor over breakfast, and it occured to me that the more oft-cited rationales for the Japanese attacks does not really make sense.

If the History Channel teaches us anything (which it probably doesn't), it's that World War II was the high point of Imperial History, that Roosevelt was the last really Great President, and that rocket documentaries are both a) cool as hell, and b) easy to replay time-and-time-again. But Pearl Harbor, specifically, is one of the most discussed topics, as determined by my non-scientific Random Channel Surfing Survey.

So, the explanation behind the surpise attack goes like this--
1) Japan invades China.
2) US embargoes Japan.
3) Japan remembers that it needs Oil to continue the Manchurian invasion.
4) Japan decides to keep America, its main oil supplier, neutral by destroying the Pacific Fleet.

This Brilliant Idea seems to be two-pronged: a) an America without the Pacific Fleet would be unable to face Japan militarily and would be forced to negotiate diplomatically; and b) after the initial attack, the American government would be willing to cede the Pacific Rim, Munich Agreement-style.

So, this Brilliant Idea was a military bullying tactic. Stimmt.

Was stimmt nicht, is that America does not tolerate bullying tactics, as the Japanese found out. So, does this mean that the Japanese military command was overly impressed with their own successes and military prowess? Did they underestimate Roosevelt's intention/willingness to engage in both the European and Pacific theaters?(1) Did they overestimate their first-strike tactical advantage? Or did they just get the American psychology wrong?

This last point is what I find most interesting, but I have no resources on Japanese psychology available. Could it be that the Japanese are more likely to back down from bullies? Do bullying tactics play a more prominent role in decision-making in Japan? And how does that play out, sociologically?

I seem to remember something about peer-pressuring tactics in Alex Kerr's Dogs and Demons: Tales from the Dark Side of Modern Japan, but I cannot seem to drudge up anything specific from my own memory. Are there any other sources out there that reference this psychologically, especially anything that might have a Japan-Empire comparitive analysis? If you know of or find something, please email me (blog@unquote.ath.cx).


BOOK LINKS ALL POINT TO AMAZON
My link above does, too. I hate that. But I have yet to find an alternative that does the following things:
1) Give detailed publishing information
2) Offer reviews, excerpts, and commentaries
3) Gives visuals (cover, table of contents, pictures, etc.)
4) Lets User order the book
5) Offers a guarantee on the quality of the book's printing

Sigh. Amazon does one thing well. I'm willing to admit that, but I'm still not publishing a wish-list.



(1) Roosevelt had been steering the country towards conflict with Germany since the Munich Conference by using the Merchant Marines as trans-Atlantic arms transports. This made them military targets, according to the Germans. Roosevelt's thinking was that eventually, enough attacks on what he described as "neutral" vessels would force Congress to engage Europe.

Montag, Oktober 18, 2004

Link Fest

I read this want ad, and then I laughed.

I saw this exhibition this weekend.

This city calls itself "the Heart of Europe." I refer to it as "Europe's Nads."
(Stay tuned to find out why!)


Donnerstag, Oktober 14, 2004

The Rules; Bending the Rules

The Rules

I've taken an as-yet unwritten pledge never to do certain annoying, weepy, web-bloggy-type things on this page. (In the list below, examples of offending behavior are provided.) For instance, I will not:

1) Get too "personal" -- If this were a diary, you'd all love to read about how many time I went to the bathroom, what I had for lunch, and where I found that penny. But this isn't (a diary) and you don't (give a shit).
2) Foster petty disputes -- If I want to have an argument, I'll confront the subject/object face-to-face. Sleep well, meine Feinden! for I will never lambast you over this public forum (unless I can milk some humor out of it).
3) Post non-text -- This is a wishy-washy rule, but I prefer to keep graphics off the site as much as possible because:
a: The layout is designed for text, not pictures.
b: This is an Idea Blog, not a Photo Blog (note the horrible load-time!), and a blog of ideas is best served by written statements.
c: My egalitarian principles encourage me to make this blog available to anybody, assuming they have the time, willingness, and proficiency to read it. It's annoying enough to me that non-internet users do not have access, and I'm trying to keep the bar as low as possible. That's why I only display two posts at a time (subject to change, of course) and why I write long-ish posts (if you're going to read it, why not read a complete thought?). Text can display on Web browsers the world over, regardless of computer platform; furthermore, text is cheap and fast. If you really enjoy reading this website on your Palm, cellphone, or (God forbid!) your Blackberry, then go to it! No pictures will stand in your tiny, cramped, eight-line, 65,000-color screen! (1)


Bending The Rules

One of the coolest pictures I've ever been a part of is posted here. On Wednesday, our class was demoralized by the crippling Grammatik Prüfung required by the Uni. So, as a treat, our second-class Dozentin took us to her favorite café nearby, where we sat and chatted. It was nothing new for us, since we've been getting to know each other for the last three weeks, but I think she was really looking forward to talking to us in an informal setting. It was actually a lot more fun than I had expected, and I really enjoyed talking to her outside of the classroom.

Although I don't agree with how she handled the class, she turned out to be a wonderfully thoughtful, observant, and witty person. I find that it's always hard to dislike people when I talk to them face-to-face, and I think that this was a good object lesson in not "judging books."

Anyway, the picture (2) is fascinating for other reasons entirely. Check out the national rainbow we managed to assemble! (We were many, and the table was small, so there are two separate photos.)

A: (small - 13k) (medium - 41k) (large - 122k)
Poland, Italy, Finland, the Empire, Germany, France, and Hungary
B: (small - 11k) (medium - 37k) (large - 113k)
Italy, Hungary, Poland, Portugal, Spain, Scotland, England, and Finland

So, OK, I guess this is one of those times where the Picture brings out the Idea....



(1) I got rid of the Blogshares image at the bottom of the page; I thought it was a little decadent.
(2) Special Thank You to M. for taking and emailing the photos -- good idea!
Danke Schön M., dass du diese Photos geschoßen und die uns geschickt hast -- tolle Idee!

Montag, Oktober 11, 2004

Whiny Political Tract

In my last post, I linked to a friend who called me "exasperatingly liberal." I'd spent the whole week mulling over the Imperial energy policies (woohoo! Let's all take a break from homework to think!), and I put this whole rant aside for a few days to reconsider.

I still believe most of what is here, but I'm not as angry and determined about it as I was last week. I think that it's more interesting in an unedited form (these are basically notes I made for myself), and, after all, I'm trying to achieve some level of deeper interaction with you, Gentle Reader, so here it is.

And for the record, I had this idea before I read Thomas Friedman's column, but I pretty much agree with him.



Here's what I'd like to see from the upcoming Presidential Domestic Debate:
An economic policy which shifts the Imperial economy away from fossil fuels and towards renewable sources of energy, effective immediately.

A Step-By-Step Guide to Reducing Oil Dependence

1) Adjust Demand: Ronnie says "Supply Side"

Cut off demand for oil at the consumer level by increasing the price per gallon to unreasonable rates, and make sure that they stay that way for a long time. First, enact a higher Federal Gas Tax. Second, force the States to enact minimum additional charges as a percentage of the Federal Gas Tax; let them spend most of this money at their discretion.

Second, increase the price per gallon by restricting supply. Boycott oil from Saudi Arabia, Iran (which we already are), and other countries which disagree with our policies. This is not really such a bad idea: it's a great way to try to pry some human rights reforms out of notoriously negligent governments. Make the human rights trade penalties cumulative and compounding. (Maybe begin with import ratios and tariffs, then work up to full economic disengagement.) Set uncomfortably optimistic goals and hope for real change. Let the U.N., W.T.O., and W.H.O. arbitrate disputes over whether these targets have been achieved.

The point is to drive the price of gasoline and other fossil fuels up. When they stop being cost-effective, fossil fuels will be abandoned wholesale. The trick is balance: do not go too slowly, or else the economy will adjust to a higher nominal energy rate; but do not rush, either, or else the economy could stall out with unknowable consequences.

2) Invent Alternatives: Give Peas a Chance

Spend all this new revenue on developing alternative fuel sources. This would probably be pretty obvious, but it may be trickier than we can imagine. It would be critical to ensure that the Gas Tax revenues and tariffs did not end up in the General Fund, but that they are instead used exclusively to promote energy alternatives and enforce energy policy.

Attack the problem of an alternative energy economy from both the public and private sectors. Hand out cash hand-over-fist to anyone doing research on this issue (and don't forget the Humanities -- understanding the economics and sociology of the economy change will be at least as important as having it happen quickly). Get the Imperial labs to hack out the basic science: what sources are the most practical, give the best yield, etc. Then throw the ball to the private sector to make the technology affordable and efficient. Set high standards on efficiency, pollution, and cost and make sure that goals are met. (It's important that the new technology be greener, cheaper, and more readily available than the old.)

In the process, do not shortchange research options. The government should retain the rights to all technologies until a public implementation has become commonplace, when the technology (or technologies) must enter the public domain. This allows market competition to progress at an accelerated pace and will prevent energy monopolies from controlling a new energy economy. (On the other hand, once economic changeover has been completed, it is vital that companies be given the opportunity to maintain their own proprietary patents -- otherwise, production and quality will stall.)

3) Adoption: Twins from China

With the money left over from the Gasoline Funds (if there is any) goes to subsidizing the new Alternative Energy Economy. Money goes to public transportation systems making the energy switch, citizens who want to convert their homes and cars, and small companies to convert their infrastructure. Pay for half of all fuel-station conversions, if necessary.

Moreover, make this technology available to the rest of the world.(1)

The purpose of a quick adoption policy would be to get the Imperial economy back on track as quickly as possible, obviously. However, a potential side effect could be the a resurgence in Imperial manufacturing and technology preeminence. After all, we could let China develop the technology first, but then they would get all the licensing fees, wouldn't they?


4) The Trade-Offs: Cataclysmic Economic Events and You

The possibilities for collapse in this idea are numerous. First, the Federal government has never had this much control over the American economy at any time in history. This process would create a temporary government monopoly in the energy sector, something that is certainly a political liability. Furthermore, Congress does not have the necessary independence to unilaterally destroy the current energy systems -- the energy lobby would quash it in committee, long before the plan came to a vote.

Secondly, a disruption in the process would leave the Empire without any Energy Economy, with potentially disastrous, unknowable consequences. During the adjustment period, transportation systems, public services, and even government could possibly be disrupted. Certainly, the initial squeeze on oil prices would drive the airline industry to the brink of bankruptcy (again), and would likely destroy the airline industry as we know it today. Tourism, goods transport, and other service industries would likely be severely hit, although the long-term gains from cheap, renewable energy would probably offset any short-term losses (over 10 years, or so).

Finally, if this Shock Treatment did not work, left a bizarre hodge-podge of proprietary, incompatible systems which prevented consumers from traveling, using simple appliances, it would result in a total collapse. Although this is the accepted status quo of the computer industry (different, incompatible standards, various levels of adoption, and a cost which prices the poor out of ownership), energy would definitely prove to be more basic and much more consequential.

5) The Benefits

An environmentally friendly, socially equitable, cheap, readily available, and globally available energy source would change the world in ways we cannot imagine, but here are some quick points:
a) World Politics -- the end of OPEC; the fall of the Oil Kingdoms of the Middle East, and possibly a subsequent détente between Israel and the Arab world;
b) World Economics -- egalitarian pricing would ensure expansion of energy-dependent services in the Third World, including health care and transportation;
c) Imperial Politics -- a substantial boost in the power of environmentalists, with the possibility of a major coalition of "Green" candidates within one or both parties;
d) Information Technology -- internet, TV, and telephone access to billions of people around the world; the internet would triple in content and usage (assuming equal access by the 2 billion people who live in "wired" countries today);

Over the short term, an alternative economy would allow the Empire to withdraw from the Middle East. This would go a long way towards paving the way for a more moderate Arab world. Over the short term, the current Oil Kingdoms would be replaced by radical regimes, but as oil supply diminished, governments there would be forced to modernize and diversify their economies, which would bring about moderation in the long run. The ultimate goal would be a renunciation of terrorism and the adoption of human rights in even the most conservative areas of the world. The catch is that no government would have no choice: if a renewable energy technology was available, the people of every country would demand access to it.

A) Caveat: Abandon Iraq

And do it tomorrow. Better yet, do it yesterday. Iraq is a monetary sinkhole that will bankrupt the Empire if not controlled. The best position in the short term is to abandon the situation because:
I) If an insurgent government controls oil production, either a) we will refuse to buy oil from them, or b) they will refuse to sell us oil. Either way, it will have a positive influence on oil prices.
II) Spending money on troop movement is wasting it. In the long haul, Imperial troops will probably not be able to enforce a peaceful resolution to the Iraq crisis, anyway. That money could be better spent resolving the energy problem, which would eventually achieve the same goal, but with much fewer Imperial casualties.


So, do I expect this idea to be taken seriously? Not really. And I'm proposing it as more of a thought experiment than anything else. But it's interesting to see the pro's and con's: cheaper fuel, an Imperial withdrawal from Iraq, and a massive Imperial economic resurgence vs. a definite economic disruption, massive civilian casualties in the short run (in Iraq), and another century of Imperial dominance over the economies of the rest of the world. . .


(1) This is very, very important. It is one thing to convert the Imperial Energy Economy, but it would be another thing to totally change the way the global uses energy. Imagine an electrified Sudan, or a Colombia in which clean fuels brought TVs into every village, or a Middle East with air conditioning in every home. . .

Sonntag, Oktober 10, 2004

I Felt Bad, But Not Bad Enough To Write A Real Post

(I've spent the last week working on homework, so I haven't had time to update recently. Just read the motto -- it says it all.)

B. (who's real name is so cool, I can't even type it without freakin' out!) linked me, and I really liked it. And while she's awesome, I haven't returned the favor, yet. Here. Done. Awesome!

And if you think I'm, "exasperatingly liberal", too, then email me.

Sonntag, Oktober 03, 2004

Website updates, so all you RSS-Feeders can go back to whatever you were doing...

Some minor site updates. Juggled the sidebar, updated the statistics, and moved the Archive links to their rightful place (AND STAY DOWN!).

Annoyance: I can't seem to curtail the list of previous posts at the upper-right hand corner. I hope Blogger.com will let me hack that variable eventually, but right now x=10, x≠!(10), and if you don't like it, then Blogger.com will Patiently Ignore the Bejesus out of you. Sorry to those of you who have to look at that list of previously visited links.

Of course, the easy solution would be to update more often. . . .

And the traditional: I hate HTML.

Freitag, Oktober 01, 2004

Anecdotally Evidenced

I get a good deal of time to myself here. One of the benefits of this is that I get to sit around watching other people, which is pretty much what any good anthropology student should do. (That's right, I said "good anthropology student" in reference to myself -- talent, real-life experience, and grades be damned! Note also that I did not use the more obvious terms "stalker," "sociopath," and "that weirdo who stares at people.")

Anyway, this inevitably leads to strange conversations with interesting/homeless people, and/or the occasional anecdote:

I was waiting in the market for something (anything) to happen. It was overcast, drizzling, early morning, and a Wednesday. Various people (young and old, but mostly old) were shuffling through the market looking for foodstuffs to buy.

The market is located in a fairly narrow street, and the stalls compete with the delivery trucks of the storefronts. Often, smaller cars will throw caution, prudence, and reason to the wind and proceed down this "road," often in the hopes of delivering something to one or another stores. And, if the Gods of Hilarity are with you, a delivery truck will sometimes show up, stirring the Proverbial Turd.

And so the Gods of Hilarity smiled down on me and granted me just this situation: narrow, crowded street, reduced visibility, and elderly shoppers.

A car pulled up and parked uncomfortably close to the bench I was sitting on. I was considering moving until I noticed the delivery truck coming up the street to deliver a Big Stinky Pile of Fish to the local Nordsee.(1) I knew better than to try to get around that thing, which was delicately maneuvering between a car and a fruit stand. He was a precise and careful driver, certainly, but he did not have much space to work with in this case. Even so, he drove around the car, and he began creeping down the street toward me.

But now (now!) he's in a bind. The car parked uncomfortably close to me is now in the way. He must drive around it in order to delivery the Big Stinky Pile, but is there enough room? A pause. . . .
But there is enough room after all, and we'll just have to drive very carefully, he says to himself.(2) And everything goes smoothly for about one-half of one second.

Then he comes to a stop, precariously close to both the stall and the car. In his path is a little old woman, calmly picking up grapes and carrots, and comparing them. Possibly, she has determined that the carrot and the grape are different items, and probably she can distinguish between the purple fruit and the orange root.(3) However, her investigation is apparently stalled, and she does not seem to be going anywhere. The driver is annoyed, but there is nothing to be done.

Then, the woman slowly turns to him. This diminuitive Rentnerin(4), who is impeding Commerce, Consumption, Progress, and the Big Stinky Pile of Fish (which is, after all, getting Stinkier by the minute), looks up into the cab of the delivery truck. Then, in a calm and polite tone, she tells him that, "I'll only be another few minutes. Please wait."(5) And then she flashes a quirky smile at him, and goes back to studying her vegetable and her fruit in the rain, which has picked up in intensity and is lightly pelting everything.

This just makes me wonder how many little women there are out there who are willing to block traffic to interrogate and examine perfectly obvious produce. Where have these people been hiding? What did they do before delivery trucks; did they block carts? And how would history have been different if they had, for instance, all been having a conference near Tianamen Square in 1989? They could have used this kind of help.


(1) How cool is it that there's a fast-food restaurant that only sells fish sandwiches?!?! Cool enough to deserve its own song.
(2) Except, it goes more like Ich soll langsam zwischen dieses Auto und die Obst fahren.
(3) Say it out loud. Go on, we'll all shut our ears.
(4) Übstz.: female pensioner; (lit) retired woman
(5) Except, it goes more like Es dauert nur ein paar Minuten. Bitte schöne!